Maybe you've heard me talking about P90X on the radio. First I want to let you know, it's not an advertisement. I'm not getting paid for it and I'm not getting free DVDs or equipment for doing it. I saw the infomercial a couple weeks ago and when I brought it up on our morning show, dozens of people texted me and told me it was really hard, but it was awesome. So I ordered it, even though I know the track record for DVD workout programs is pretty much sucky. You buy it, use it twice and then stop.

Not saying that won't happen to me! But I did my P90X workout DVD today. Yes, I was warned that it was hard, and it was. But I know that a workout isn't really a good workout if you're not really feeling it. The first DVD was shoulders and back. Lots of pull-ups and push-ups of different forms. (I ordered the optional pull-up bar which I had to install myself in a doorway over the weekend. That's a good way to test your handyman skills!) or a half hour afterward, my arms were shaking so badly I could barely type on the computer.

Then it was abs. I can do sit-ups, but I have NEVER in my life been able to do a single sit-up without something holding my feet down. So until I figure out a way around that, I'm kinda stuck. But I'll try it again later this week when it comes up on the schedule and see how it goes.

Honestly, I probably should have taken a days rest after running the half-marathon yesterday before I started in on this program. But I didn't want to make another excuse and put it off. Back at it tomorrow, between work, speaking at Zimmerman High School, and Toastmasters. Whew!

And I'll be honest with you. I eat like crap. I really do. Handfuls of chips. Lots of fried stuff. Beer. Plenty of pizza. If I have Chinese, I tell myself it's healthy because it might have snow peas or broccoli among all that sauce and meat! But I know that one reason I've put on 20 pounds over 2 years is because of the absolutely unrestrained eating gorges and binges I've been on! Do you do this? You eat a protien bar for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and then you go ape-nuts on leftovers, chips, nuts, brownies, WHATEVER later in the day? I do. I admit it.

I'm hoping I can keep this up. Lena's mom says we can do ANYTHING for 90 days!

RANDOMS!

Lena and I make fun of people that wear shirts with wolves on them. So yesterday, my daughter Allison goes to the mall and she's dying to show me a shirt she bought. WHAT? It's a WOLF shirt!

I couldn't believe it! Awwwwww, she's adorable! Still my little girl!

And since it snowed so much today, and I was busy working on toning my amazing body, she shoveled the driveway. Here she is ready to go.

Hey, wait! That's MY hat!

Before I get started, I just thought these were cute. Remember handing out Valentines on Valentines Day in your class? Here's Carson putting together his Valentines. Awwwwww.

I go to Chaska Middle School West every year to kick off their Pennies for Patients drive to raise money for Leukemia and other blood cancer research and treatments. Here are some action photos.

The girl is the middle is a Leukemia survivor, Maddie. And the little boy is 5 year old Will. Also a leukemia survivor. Will's mom is on the left, Maddie's mom in the Center and Amy from Chaska Middle School West on the right.

Madeline tells her story.

And Jamie, Matt's mom tells his story.

Then I went right over to Lakeville North HS to talk to the National Honor Society students.

And this one I love! The NHS advisor, Ms. Morsching, gave me this brown ribbon (we said brown ribbons should represent the cause of stamping out the expression, "I'm Starving" because it is offensive to starving people. (Yeah, it's a joke)

I had a great time at both schools! Thanks so much for inviting me!

They really are impressive. Here's what they look like. And they're big. Like the size of a human head. Okay, I exaggerate but they are big.

And here are ways to tell if you work in a dysfunctional workplace. How many of these will YOU say yes to?

Sign No. 1: Conspicuously posted vision or value statements are filled with vague but important-sounding words like "excellence" and "quality"

These words are seldom defined and the concepts they allude to are never measured.

Sign No. 2: Bringing up a problem is considered more as evidence of a personality defect rather than as an actual observation of reality

In a dysfunctional company, what it looks like is not only more important than what it is, it is what it is. If you don't believe that, you are the problem. A surprising amount of information is classified. Dysfunctional companies have more state secrets than the CIA. Anything that might embarrass the boss turns out to be a national security issue.

Sign No. 3: If by chance there are problems, the usual solution is a motivational seminar

Attitude is everything, especially in places where facts are embarrassing or inconvenient. In a dysfunctional family, there's an elephant -- usually a drunken abusive parent -- in the parlor, but no one ever mentions him. To appear sane, you have to pretend that the elephant is invisible, and that drives you crazy. Businesses are full of invisible elephants, too. Usually they are things that might cause difficulties for people with enough clout to prevent their discussion. The emperor may be naked, but if you have a good attitude, you won't mention it.

Sign No. 4: Double messages are delivered with a straight face

Quality and quantity are both job one. You can do it both cheaper and better, just don't ask how. If you're motivated enough you should know already.

Sign No. 5: History is regularly edited to make executive decisions more correct, and correct decisions more executive than they actually were

Those huge salaries require some justification.

Sign No. 6: People are discouraged from putting things in writing

What is written, especially financial records, is purposely confusing. You can never tell when you might need a little deniability.

Sign No. 7: Directions are ambiguous and often vaguely threatening

Before you respond to a vague threat, remember this: Virtually every corporate scandal begins with someone saying, "Do it; I don't care how." That person is seldom the one who gets indicted.

Sign No. 8: Internal competition is encouraged and rewarded

The word "teamwork" may be batted around like a softball at a company picnic, but in a dysfunctional company the star players are the only ones who get recognition and big bucks.

Sign No. 9: Decisions are made at the highest level possible

Regardless of what it is, you have to check with your boss before doing it. She also has to check with her boss.

Sign No. 10: Delegating means telling somebody to do something, not giving them the power to do it

According to Webster's Dictionary, you delegate authority, not tasks. In dysfunctional companies you may have responsibility, but the authority lives in the office upstairs.

Sign No. 11: Management approaches from the latest bestseller are regularly misunderstood to mean what we're doing already is right on the mark

"Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," "Good to Great" and "Who Moved My Cheese?" all seem to boil down to, "quit griping and do more with less."

Sign No. 12: Resources are tightly controlled

Your department may need upgraded software, but there's been a spending freeze since 2006. Cost control is entry-level management, but in a dysfunctional company anything more sophisticated is considered too touchy-feely. Whatever you propose, the first question you will be asked is if it can be done cheaper.

Sign No. 13: You are expected to feel lucky to have a job and know you could lose it if you don't toe the line

Dysfunctional companies maintain control using the threat of punishment. Most will maintain that they also use positive rewards ... like your paycheck. A few people are actually fired, but most of those who go are driven to quit.

Sign No. 14: Rules are enforced based on who you are rather than what you do

In a dysfunctional company, there are clearly insiders and outsiders and everyone knows who belongs in each group. Accountability has different meanings depending on which group you're in.

Sign No. 15: The company fails the Dilbert Test

Dysfunctional organizations have no sense of humor. People who post unflattering cartoons risk joining the ranks of the disappeared. When an organization loses the ability to laugh at itself, it is headed for big trouble. If you'd get in trouble for printing this article and posting it on the bulletin board at work, maybe it's time to look for another job before this one drives you crazy.

Note. We have a blog editor that recognizes quotation marks, as question marks. So I took out quotation marks where there really should be some. That might help this blog make a little more sense. Thanks.

Lost. Worst. Show. Ever.

No exageration here. It really is THAT bad.

But Dave, you protest. It can't be as bad as The Bachelor, right?

No, it's worse. The Bachelor knows it sucks and doesn't trick you into thinking it'll get better if you just keep watching for six seasons. Lost did exactly that. Read on and I'll tell you why it sucks.

Some people will look at a painting done by some modern artist and proclaim that they get it. Wow! they?ll say, loudly enough so those around them are sure to hear. Look at the raw emotion the artist is conveying! And I can?t say I?ve seen such a fantastic use of colors to show pain!

The people who look at it and see nothing but splatters of paint and random brushstrokes are called, uncultured. Cynical. Stiff.

You just don?t GET it! exclaims the other. You are too closed-minded to appreciate what the flurgetty floggity flewgitty blah blah blah shut the fuck up.

And that is how I feel about Lost.

I first heard of Lost before it came on TV. There was an ad in Entertainment Weekly that looked really interesting. It sent me to a website that had a plane crashed and a red beacon flashing on the plane. It didn?t say what it was about, which made it even more compelling.

Wow! I can?t wait for this show! I thought! I LOVE good sci-fi/fantasy/mystery shows. The Twilight Zone is the best show of that type. The BEST. Why? Because it takes something mysterious and inexplicable and carries the story through to a satisfying conclusion.

Examples: Nightmare at 20,000 Feet is a classic Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner as a man returning home from a stay in a mental hospital. On his plane he looks out the window and sees some kind of a monster on the wing. Of course, the flight attendants know he?s crazy and just patronize him and console him. But when the plane lands, it turns out he?s right! There WAS a monster out on the wing, leaving claw marks on the engine as proof!

THAT is a satisfying conclusion! Another one is Eye of the Beholder. A woman is having plastic surgery to fix her horribly disfigured face. If they can?t fix it, they send her away to a place where everyone has the same deformation. The entire episode, her face is wrapped in bandages. They take off the bandages and she?s beautiful! By our standards. But the doctors and nurses all look like monsters! So in the eye of the beholder she was ugly, but to us, she was beautiful!

See how simple that is?

Lost is convoluted and I think I can explain why.

When Hollywood producers are trying to sell a network a show, they come up with a few episodes and try to make those few episodes as compelling as possible. I totally agree that the first few episodes of Lost were totally compelling. What was the island all about? Where is it? What about that smoke monster and The Others? GREAT start to the series.

Even when they found the hatch and Ben and the reset button and all that, I was still there. But then I realized, the writers had a problem. The story demanded an explanation, but an explanation would kill their cash cow. An explanation, a solution, an ending would put an end to the series. So they put the story on hold and kept writing filler for the next 5 years just to keep the money flowing in. The writers didn't know how it ended, they made it up as they go along, which normally is fine. But not when the story begins with a mystery.

So to keep the cash flow alive, the quality of the story was the first sacrifice. This twist, this turn, this new character, that new character. And confusion reigned not only on the island but on my 32-inch Samsung.

Put simply: Any show that requires an hour-long review show before the season premiere OR requires subtitles to understand what is going on, is too convoluted. Lost did both. They lost me. But the producers don't care. They had you fooled for six years, got lots of ad revenue and will now have a celebratory cocktail in the jacuzzi behind their $20 million dollar mansion in the Hollywood Hills. Thanks sucker!

And critics and viewers who don't want to admit they've been had are still saying, This show is SOOOOOO good!

And so I gave up. There is no explanation that can satisfy all the questions raised on Lost. And even if there were an explanation for all that (a dream maybe?) it wouldn?t be a satisfying explanation. Not satisfying like when you found out that Bruce Willis was dead and now it all made sense.

So, Lost? No to that one.

Go ahead and call me uncultured or cynical or stiff. At least I?m not wasting 18 hours this year to go, Awwwww. That sucks worse than the ending of The Sopranos!

Besides, what do those damn numbers mean anyway?

We talked about this Friday on our show.

Just read the 'offense' and if you've done it, you owe that
fine. You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.
NOTE fines to be added once, not for how ever many times you have done it.
My total fine? $580.50

Lena's fine: $535.10

Stevo-O's fine: $400.50.

Smoked weed -- $10
Did acid or pills -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace/Facebook/Bebo etc -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Cross dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive and drank -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a vehicle while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video or took pictures -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in public -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex --$25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars-- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under the age accepted by rule of thumb (half your age plus
7) -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Pissed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Tally it up and put it on your status as: "My Fine Is..." (nothing else) And in fact, send me an e-mail to daveryan@kdwb.com!
And now, Bert and Ernie rap.

Just because you have a nice house doesn't mean I automatically deserve a nice house. Just because you can afford a trip to France doesn't mean I should get one too. What I DO have promised to me is the OPPORTUNITY to get a nice house or a trip to France, as long as I work for it.
I'm sure you understand that already. But wouldn't it be nice if your dopey friends who think life should be fair understood that? Let this guy explain how it works.